I came to work thinking that today I would share some of my horrifying travel experiences, but then I got some bad news from a friend of mine, about a death in her family. That has taken my mind to my past, which has a loss of a loved one etched deeply. I am talking about my dad whom we lost, when my brother and I were still young to comprehend how final death is. I am not going to go into the sordid details, suffice to say that this was a sudden occurence and since our family was living out of the country at the time, we were devastated with no family support whatsoever to help us wade through the initial grief strucken days.
I do remember quite vividly, how our friends helped us cope and made sure that the necessary arrangements were made. I think that period in our life was an eye opener and made us aware of who our "true friends" were. It is so easy to party and share celebrations, but the true test of a person is when he/she comes through when a celebration becomes a misery of mammoth proportions. People have often told me - "We dont know what to say or do to make it better" and my reply to that is "Its not necessary to say anything, its just enough to be there, with your presence. That speaks a thousand words". Just remember that we can never understand or even pretend to understand what such a loss means. So dont bother with the words, just be there for your friend !
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Got a Boo Boo ?
This morning when I came to work, I started thinking about my thought/blog for the day.But I was down with a 3rd degree migraine. My head has started clearing up and now I am all geared about lashing out at my headache with a vengeance. For those of you, who have these attacks, I do not have to describe- how your temples throb, how you become over-sensitive to light and sound, and how you have this urge to throttle anyone who comes anywhere close to you.
The only problem with this is ofcourse the way my family suffers with me. I really cannot pinpoint when the saga began...But I do remember that back in my college days, when I had one of my first major attacks with the accompanying blindness,nausea and shivers - my friends made sure I survived. I guess with the advent of age, responsibilities, duties etc the frequency of these attacks increased. Ofcourse I used to have good periods - when I would go for weeks without an advent of one, and then I would do the inevitable - I would start wondering - "Hey ! howcome I havent had a headache in a while ?"...and BAM - I would be blessed with one.
One thing that could happen when you have such a recurring health issue is that people get bugged when you tell them that you are having one of your attacks. Gradually their sympathy level keeps dwindling, and then it reaches a point when there is no reaction to your declarations !! (almost like crying wolf wolf...). But I have also had touching experiences, when my husband has made soup & chai for me (mind you.I should have marked that date for release in the family history books !). When my children have sat next to me stroking my head, oh so gently checking to see if my boo-boo is gone ? (that you feel for a instant - hey you have angels in your life, not the brats that you really thought !). & then there was an occasion when I was taken care of so completely, and so lovingly that I was overwhelmed and humbled. (I dont want to embarrass myself and my sis, by going into details - but suffice to say that the "in-law" wall between us started crumbling that day).
So here is my BIG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to the worst ache of all !!!
The only problem with this is ofcourse the way my family suffers with me. I really cannot pinpoint when the saga began...But I do remember that back in my college days, when I had one of my first major attacks with the accompanying blindness,nausea and shivers - my friends made sure I survived. I guess with the advent of age, responsibilities, duties etc the frequency of these attacks increased. Ofcourse I used to have good periods - when I would go for weeks without an advent of one, and then I would do the inevitable - I would start wondering - "Hey ! howcome I havent had a headache in a while ?"...and BAM - I would be blessed with one.
One thing that could happen when you have such a recurring health issue is that people get bugged when you tell them that you are having one of your attacks. Gradually their sympathy level keeps dwindling, and then it reaches a point when there is no reaction to your declarations !! (almost like crying wolf wolf...). But I have also had touching experiences, when my husband has made soup & chai for me (mind you.I should have marked that date for release in the family history books !). When my children have sat next to me stroking my head, oh so gently checking to see if my boo-boo is gone ? (that you feel for a instant - hey you have angels in your life, not the brats that you really thought !). & then there was an occasion when I was taken care of so completely, and so lovingly that I was overwhelmed and humbled. (I dont want to embarrass myself and my sis, by going into details - but suffice to say that the "in-law" wall between us started crumbling that day).
So here is my BIG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to the worst ache of all !!!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year Readers !
Let me share a profound thought with you, when I turned 30 (that wasnt too long ago !) it finally occured to me(I know I know I must be truly dense)...what in the world are we so happy about ? I mean how could the next 365 days be any better or worse than the previous 365 ? Will there an equator shift ? Will we stop being a male dominated society ? Will the politicians resolve to be less slimy and actually do something worthwhile ? Will hockey get the respect and admiration it deserves to have as a national game or will we finally realize that it should have always been cricket ? Will we start enjoying life or keep cribbing about what was to be, what should have been etc ? Will we stop thriving on tit-bits of bollywood/hollowood star gossip ? Will governments finally realise that the issues such as terrorism,global warming and poverty affect humanity as a whole and the demarcation or political power of one over the other, truly does not matter ! Will we take a minute to enjoy life out of our daily rigorous & monotonous routine ?
If no - then I am sorry folks we do not have anything truly to be happy about. All we have is hopes ! But then "zindagi umeed pe kaayam hai". So here is hoping that 2010 makes us stop and smell the roses !!!
If no - then I am sorry folks we do not have anything truly to be happy about. All we have is hopes ! But then "zindagi umeed pe kaayam hai". So here is hoping that 2010 makes us stop and smell the roses !!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Welcome to the AAA - Auto Attitude Association
Since I have come back to India I have been across 4 metros (3 states). If you think that the first thing I noticed was the culture/language barrier..well you are in for a surprise. Nope...what I noticed and experienced first hand were the behaviour patterns of autorickshaw drivers. It truly is amazing ! Let me elaborate city by city:
Pune:
While my husband and I were in the not so joyful process of apartment hunting, we would come across several "auto hubs" (In colloquiall lingo: jhund).If we asked them for a ride to a place - they would take their time measuring us, and quote a price on which you could get a ticket to the next state ! Needless to say we headed out with caps and bottles of water from the next day, imagining that we are off on a roadside hike !
Chennai:
Hmm... I have a partiality towards this city..being born and brought up etc etc..But let me make it clear that I draw a line between the love for the city and disdain for the auto community. Atleast the pune guys were honest enough to quote a price which we could choose to refuse, but here the man would happily take you till the destination offering tit bits of general local gossip. He would wait till you have reached to drop the bomb of asking atleast 2/3 times the amount on the meter. If you refused to oblige, well then beware you can learn all the choiciest expletives that tamil language has to offer, with the accompanying mannerisms.
Bangalore:
The incident which I am going to site is not a fragment of my imagination so pay attention my friends ! I set off to bangalore to spend a month with close family and friends, right after getting back from US. So yes you could say that I was very green in all aspects of survival. Once when I was getting back from my music class I got into an auto after specifying my destination. Well either he had misunderstood me or he was in a mood to pick a fight because somewhere in the middle he started complaining that I had cheated him by indicating a wrong place. I was baffled by his behaviour, and asked him to stop. Obviously I must have pushed a wrong button, cause that aggravated him to driving faster and taking on a route I had never seen before. So I did what we girls do the best ! I screamed and jumped out of the running auto!!! I must have caused quite a ruckus, before I knew it I had an audience of 10-15 do-gooders, who thrive on situations such as these. That day was a revelation, cause I never knew I had it in me to curse like a fisher woman. Once I was done blowing off the steam, I threw the money on his face and walked back home. Ofcourse the adrenalin died once I got home, and I had a bad case of shivers and a mother of all shoulder sprain !!!
Mumbai:
After the above anecdote, my 2 liner on the plight of mumbai residents at the hand of auto rickshaws is going to sound very mundane. But hey I have to complete my analysis !! Just a simple word of advice to those relying on auto's as a means of commute in Mumbai - DONT...Because they have attitude,attitude and more attitude or maybe they have loads of money burried in a rabbit hole. Anyway they would prefer to cruise on their own, rather than transport you to your destination, even if it happens to be on their way.
Whew after this heavy R & D & Analysis - I am exhausted..will see you all next year !
Pune:
While my husband and I were in the not so joyful process of apartment hunting, we would come across several "auto hubs" (In colloquiall lingo: jhund).If we asked them for a ride to a place - they would take their time measuring us, and quote a price on which you could get a ticket to the next state ! Needless to say we headed out with caps and bottles of water from the next day, imagining that we are off on a roadside hike !
Chennai:
Hmm... I have a partiality towards this city..being born and brought up etc etc..But let me make it clear that I draw a line between the love for the city and disdain for the auto community. Atleast the pune guys were honest enough to quote a price which we could choose to refuse, but here the man would happily take you till the destination offering tit bits of general local gossip. He would wait till you have reached to drop the bomb of asking atleast 2/3 times the amount on the meter. If you refused to oblige, well then beware you can learn all the choiciest expletives that tamil language has to offer, with the accompanying mannerisms.
Bangalore:
The incident which I am going to site is not a fragment of my imagination so pay attention my friends ! I set off to bangalore to spend a month with close family and friends, right after getting back from US. So yes you could say that I was very green in all aspects of survival. Once when I was getting back from my music class I got into an auto after specifying my destination. Well either he had misunderstood me or he was in a mood to pick a fight because somewhere in the middle he started complaining that I had cheated him by indicating a wrong place. I was baffled by his behaviour, and asked him to stop. Obviously I must have pushed a wrong button, cause that aggravated him to driving faster and taking on a route I had never seen before. So I did what we girls do the best ! I screamed and jumped out of the running auto!!! I must have caused quite a ruckus, before I knew it I had an audience of 10-15 do-gooders, who thrive on situations such as these. That day was a revelation, cause I never knew I had it in me to curse like a fisher woman. Once I was done blowing off the steam, I threw the money on his face and walked back home. Ofcourse the adrenalin died once I got home, and I had a bad case of shivers and a mother of all shoulder sprain !!!
Mumbai:
After the above anecdote, my 2 liner on the plight of mumbai residents at the hand of auto rickshaws is going to sound very mundane. But hey I have to complete my analysis !! Just a simple word of advice to those relying on auto's as a means of commute in Mumbai - DONT...Because they have attitude,attitude and more attitude or maybe they have loads of money burried in a rabbit hole. Anyway they would prefer to cruise on their own, rather than transport you to your destination, even if it happens to be on their way.
Whew after this heavy R & D & Analysis - I am exhausted..will see you all next year !
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Bargains
I remember when I was really small, I dont remember the year(ha ha...thought you could deduct my age did you ?)...anyway I digress. I used to go to the market with my parents for picking vegetables, and end up staring with awe at my mother when she employed her bargaining tactics. Infact both my father and I used to slightly distance ourselves from this woman, who with a multilingual flair (hindi/tamil/malyalam and english) used to convince the shopkeeper to bring down his rates by atleast 50%.
Well after so many odd years, even after I have graduated to a status of motherhood, I am pleased to note that nothing has changed ! Yesterday while trying to get myself a pair of shoes from a streethawker (thats one thing in Mumbai that you can never have a dearth of !) here I was very meekly asking him to quote his best price and my mom without batting an eyelid asked him to hand it over to us at less than half his asking price ! At that instant my thoughts were - "Oh no...we need to check out more shops for something I like" and my instant sympathy was with the poor chap. But by then my mother had started dragging me and my feet out of there with a stern no-no. Guess what ? to my amazement, the shopkeeper not only gave in but promised a 3 month warranty as well !!!
Moral: The art of negotiating cannot be taught in classes...needs to be learned first hand from the yesteryear moms.
Well after so many odd years, even after I have graduated to a status of motherhood, I am pleased to note that nothing has changed ! Yesterday while trying to get myself a pair of shoes from a streethawker (thats one thing in Mumbai that you can never have a dearth of !) here I was very meekly asking him to quote his best price and my mom without batting an eyelid asked him to hand it over to us at less than half his asking price ! At that instant my thoughts were - "Oh no...we need to check out more shops for something I like" and my instant sympathy was with the poor chap. But by then my mother had started dragging me and my feet out of there with a stern no-no. Guess what ? to my amazement, the shopkeeper not only gave in but promised a 3 month warranty as well !!!
Moral: The art of negotiating cannot be taught in classes...needs to be learned first hand from the yesteryear moms.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Vacation Rocks..Life hmm Sucks !
How many of us have while vacationing in India have thought - wow..what a life, what luxury to have help around the house, how neat that we dont have to do our own laundry, how totally cool that we do not have to load/run the dishwasher...Hip Hip Hooray for the indian maids !
Well guilty as charged...I have. I used to have this totally green feeling, and after a few weeks here used to go back to US quite morose with the banal lifestyle of "Do it yourself" philosophy. Guess What ??? I am eating my own words now... Because lo and behold I am back in India for good, and a huge eye opener for me is..Yes you can get domestic help BUT
They ask for the moon & stars and more..
They are totally absolutely , very reliably... UNRELIABLE !
They have no sense of time...and every time you ask them to stick to time.... and they look at you like you must be demented
& They are more often than not the reason for familial disputes of mammoth proportions !Soooooooooo.. the gandhian philosophy of self-help doesnt sound too bad in retrospect does it ?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
2 sides of a coin
So let me get to the best part of being in one's country,one's home. The joy of being with family !!! Lets face it - how happy are we being in a silo ? Without having those wonderful mother hens telling us how weak we look, how we need to eat more etc etc.. (Admit it...We in a most convoluted way are just waiting for someone to tell us that, so we feel good about hogging :-))
Well I just had a similar experience over the weekend, which gave me the reassurance that we had done the right thing (ofcourse I say right/wrong in truly relative terms !) in coming back home. After all, our kids too need to face the chaos of being in a house overflowing with aunts and uncles and cousins ! They too need to know how it feels to be singled out and asked - "Do you know me ?" , " I am your mother's cousin's grandmother's.....". Ofcourse the best part of our traditional indian gathering is the overflowing spread of tasty treats ! In the midst of this happy commotion, it struck me...this is why I came back, and this is what I wanted my kids to experience for themselves - the abundance of love, affection and wishes ,a sense of belonging and realization of one's roots.
Well I just had a similar experience over the weekend, which gave me the reassurance that we had done the right thing (ofcourse I say right/wrong in truly relative terms !) in coming back home. After all, our kids too need to face the chaos of being in a house overflowing with aunts and uncles and cousins ! They too need to know how it feels to be singled out and asked - "Do you know me ?" , " I am your mother's cousin's grandmother's.....". Ofcourse the best part of our traditional indian gathering is the overflowing spread of tasty treats ! In the midst of this happy commotion, it struck me...this is why I came back, and this is what I wanted my kids to experience for themselves - the abundance of love, affection and wishes ,a sense of belonging and realization of one's roots.
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