This might come across as disheartening for all those youngsters who are on the verge of taking a leap, or who have just done so and are living on a cloud. So I want to declare that these are my feelings and those of my friends. I am in no way qualified to pass judgement on marriages be it - love or arranged.
When I was a teenager full of romantic notions, thanks to the M&B's who glorify romance or the movies where the characters have a picture perfect wedding ! Hey hold on...dont most books and movies stop with the wedding ? Well let me point this out - the struggle to get to the wedding is nothing compared to the struggle that you have to undergo post wedding ! I am completing 10 years of marriage this year, hence I owe it to myself to dissect the journey a bit.
I started with preconcieved notions:
Love marriage rocks ...Arranged Marriage sucks !
Love marriage is sooooo cool..Arranged is boring !!!
If its a love marriage..ofcourse it should work beautifully !!!!
Ahem...seriously guys scrap out the above listed notions. It doesnt work like that. Marriage is a lot of work either way, its about matching your system clock to your spouse's - yet at the same time trying to click on your own.It truly is about being open to accept new set of relations, trying to forget that you may ideally have not chosen them to be in your best buddy list. Its also a test of your diplomatic abilities, and ofcourse patience. For example, we dont realise how our daily routine/habits might rub another person in the wrong way. But its true - right from the time each of us get up in the morning, to the way we eat, and go to bed can be aggravating to someone else ! Unfortunately courting period - love or arranged does not train us for this. This has to be experienced ! Actually even though a"live in" relationship is too forward for my conservative mind - I can see the logic behind it. Its in a way a trial period, a pre-marriage pact that is definitely easier to back out of, if things dont work as planned.
So my conclusion after 10 years of hard work ? Lets just say that I have more work cut out for me, and I have just completed Phase-1. But I should say that work though not always enjoyable does lead to nice rewards. The key is in believing in yourself.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Star Gazing
Nope, I am not referring to the ones in the sky, I mean the ones who dazzle our world by their sheer presence. The movie stars ! My affiliation or blind puppy love started when I was a toddler. According to my mom I used to bore all the people unfortunate enough to drop into our place, with renditions of the latest chart busters from All India Radio. Very soon I had some dance steps to go with the audio. When that didnt cut it, I would start reciting all the cliched, heroic dialogues. Ofcourse this did help me develop my mimicry/monoacting acumen. At the age 10, like rest of India, I was madly in love with AB. So much so that I remember watching Namak Halal in Iraq, when some of the buildings around us were getting bombed ! As far as I was concerned that just added to the drama, and I was sure that Big B would come dashing to my rescue. Ofcourse what happened in reality was that I got a sound spanking from my dad, and was rushed to the underground bomb shelter,
You would think, that after a couple of decades I would have somewhat matured in the matters of "screen hero worship" ? Well not really, only my object of affection has shifted- none other than SRK. How could anyone who says - "Senorita, badi badi deshon me....." not be instantly lovable ? But folks - love comes at a price, I was and am still often mocked at by my brother,friends and at times by my kids. But the bonds of love are so strong - that I am able to take all the guffaws in my stride, and enjoy all the tit bits of SRK's life that is thrown at the public.
It's amazing how good movies can transport you into their story and characters, and allow you to shed all your worries, and live your fantasy. Somehow this medium has become very important to me, since it rejuvenates me, leaves me feeling sad/happy, and amazingly takes me away from the chakras of my own mundane life.If books are a man's best friend, I would call movies a man's key to fantasy !!!
You would think, that after a couple of decades I would have somewhat matured in the matters of "screen hero worship" ? Well not really, only my object of affection has shifted- none other than SRK. How could anyone who says - "Senorita, badi badi deshon me....." not be instantly lovable ? But folks - love comes at a price, I was and am still often mocked at by my brother,friends and at times by my kids. But the bonds of love are so strong - that I am able to take all the guffaws in my stride, and enjoy all the tit bits of SRK's life that is thrown at the public.
It's amazing how good movies can transport you into their story and characters, and allow you to shed all your worries, and live your fantasy. Somehow this medium has become very important to me, since it rejuvenates me, leaves me feeling sad/happy, and amazingly takes me away from the chakras of my own mundane life.If books are a man's best friend, I would call movies a man's key to fantasy !!!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Belief ...
When I was a kid, it was so easy to believe in God and the general concept of good triumphing over evil. Choices were truly straightforward, and belief was taught by parents and accepted graciously by us children. I knew of only black and white,grey was not a shade in my dictionary. I am really saddened to realise that its not the case now. I often find myself questioning the existence of a supreme being ? I desparately want to believe that all our Gods are watching over us, that Ganesha - the elephant god and my childhood favorite is looking out for us, and will be with us in our good and bad times. But what I do with these infinite questions that run havoc in my mind ? I try my best to reason out all the unfortunate and disasterous events that happen to the most wonderful people, and draw a blank.What is the explanation for a catastrophe that claims so many lives ? One by nature can still be scientifically explained, but what about one that is caused by fellow humans ? When we say God lives in each of us, why is it that in reality Satan appears to live in most of us ?
Each of us find our answers via different mediums - some by meditation, some by introspection, and others by acceptance and strong faith. While I am struggling with my faith, I admire those who have their paths defined. My quest for finding these answers I am sure will continue, with the hope that I do not lose myself along the way.
Each of us find our answers via different mediums - some by meditation, some by introspection, and others by acceptance and strong faith. While I am struggling with my faith, I admire those who have their paths defined. My quest for finding these answers I am sure will continue, with the hope that I do not lose myself along the way.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Mindset
A decade back when this question - "Do you want to go abroad" meaning "Dont you want to get married to a US visa holder/NRI" was asked to me, I used to fly off the handle. I mean how dare anyone insult my indian core ?! That was an atrocious thought ! I would rather die, than end up doing anything so sacrilegious !!! But guess who had the last laugh ? Yup my cards/stars or whatever you choose to call, saw me married off to a guy working in the US, and zoom...I was shipped off just a few days after the wedding.
Needless to say I arrived at the Columbus,OHIO airport with a whole bunch of prejudice, expecting a scene from the "Bold & the Beautiful" to be enacted right in front of me. I can admit it now, that I was a little disappointed when that didnt happen :) what was in store for me was the "toned down, down-to-earth american experience" of a move. My husband, for some absurdly romantic reason (thats what he claims it was !) had thought that I would like to help him move from his old roach-struck studio apartment into this 1-bedroom apartment that he had chosen for us. Now, whatever my impressions of the "westernized world" were, they did not include fighting cockroaches ! I couldnt in my wildest dreams fathom that the mighty US would have the same irritating, immortal creepy crawly creatures ! That my friends was my first mis-conception. As the days went by, and I started meeting people - indian and otherwise I had to rip the curtain of prejudice from my eyes, and realize that people are the same everywhere - with their share of joys,disappointments,expectations,belief and even religion. Infact sometimes being away from one's country, makes you bond closer with your countrymen and forget the caste/language/religion - that are otherwise major dividing factors here in India.
Now I am back after completing my stint abroad, and I am thankful for the exposure that this oppurtunity provided me. I am not sure if I am wiser or a better person because of these years I have been away, but I will think twice before condemning a place/city/country just because its new to me.
Needless to say I arrived at the Columbus,OHIO airport with a whole bunch of prejudice, expecting a scene from the "Bold & the Beautiful" to be enacted right in front of me. I can admit it now, that I was a little disappointed when that didnt happen :) what was in store for me was the "toned down, down-to-earth american experience" of a move. My husband, for some absurdly romantic reason (thats what he claims it was !) had thought that I would like to help him move from his old roach-struck studio apartment into this 1-bedroom apartment that he had chosen for us. Now, whatever my impressions of the "westernized world" were, they did not include fighting cockroaches ! I couldnt in my wildest dreams fathom that the mighty US would have the same irritating, immortal creepy crawly creatures ! That my friends was my first mis-conception. As the days went by, and I started meeting people - indian and otherwise I had to rip the curtain of prejudice from my eyes, and realize that people are the same everywhere - with their share of joys,disappointments,expectations,belief and even religion. Infact sometimes being away from one's country, makes you bond closer with your countrymen and forget the caste/language/religion - that are otherwise major dividing factors here in India.
Now I am back after completing my stint abroad, and I am thankful for the exposure that this oppurtunity provided me. I am not sure if I am wiser or a better person because of these years I have been away, but I will think twice before condemning a place/city/country just because its new to me.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Final Goodbye
I came to work thinking that today I would share some of my horrifying travel experiences, but then I got some bad news from a friend of mine, about a death in her family. That has taken my mind to my past, which has a loss of a loved one etched deeply. I am talking about my dad whom we lost, when my brother and I were still young to comprehend how final death is. I am not going to go into the sordid details, suffice to say that this was a sudden occurence and since our family was living out of the country at the time, we were devastated with no family support whatsoever to help us wade through the initial grief strucken days.
I do remember quite vividly, how our friends helped us cope and made sure that the necessary arrangements were made. I think that period in our life was an eye opener and made us aware of who our "true friends" were. It is so easy to party and share celebrations, but the true test of a person is when he/she comes through when a celebration becomes a misery of mammoth proportions. People have often told me - "We dont know what to say or do to make it better" and my reply to that is "Its not necessary to say anything, its just enough to be there, with your presence. That speaks a thousand words". Just remember that we can never understand or even pretend to understand what such a loss means. So dont bother with the words, just be there for your friend !
I do remember quite vividly, how our friends helped us cope and made sure that the necessary arrangements were made. I think that period in our life was an eye opener and made us aware of who our "true friends" were. It is so easy to party and share celebrations, but the true test of a person is when he/she comes through when a celebration becomes a misery of mammoth proportions. People have often told me - "We dont know what to say or do to make it better" and my reply to that is "Its not necessary to say anything, its just enough to be there, with your presence. That speaks a thousand words". Just remember that we can never understand or even pretend to understand what such a loss means. So dont bother with the words, just be there for your friend !
Got a Boo Boo ?
This morning when I came to work, I started thinking about my thought/blog for the day.But I was down with a 3rd degree migraine. My head has started clearing up and now I am all geared about lashing out at my headache with a vengeance. For those of you, who have these attacks, I do not have to describe- how your temples throb, how you become over-sensitive to light and sound, and how you have this urge to throttle anyone who comes anywhere close to you.
The only problem with this is ofcourse the way my family suffers with me. I really cannot pinpoint when the saga began...But I do remember that back in my college days, when I had one of my first major attacks with the accompanying blindness,nausea and shivers - my friends made sure I survived. I guess with the advent of age, responsibilities, duties etc the frequency of these attacks increased. Ofcourse I used to have good periods - when I would go for weeks without an advent of one, and then I would do the inevitable - I would start wondering - "Hey ! howcome I havent had a headache in a while ?"...and BAM - I would be blessed with one.
One thing that could happen when you have such a recurring health issue is that people get bugged when you tell them that you are having one of your attacks. Gradually their sympathy level keeps dwindling, and then it reaches a point when there is no reaction to your declarations !! (almost like crying wolf wolf...). But I have also had touching experiences, when my husband has made soup & chai for me (mind you.I should have marked that date for release in the family history books !). When my children have sat next to me stroking my head, oh so gently checking to see if my boo-boo is gone ? (that you feel for a instant - hey you have angels in your life, not the brats that you really thought !). & then there was an occasion when I was taken care of so completely, and so lovingly that I was overwhelmed and humbled. (I dont want to embarrass myself and my sis, by going into details - but suffice to say that the "in-law" wall between us started crumbling that day).
So here is my BIG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to the worst ache of all !!!
The only problem with this is ofcourse the way my family suffers with me. I really cannot pinpoint when the saga began...But I do remember that back in my college days, when I had one of my first major attacks with the accompanying blindness,nausea and shivers - my friends made sure I survived. I guess with the advent of age, responsibilities, duties etc the frequency of these attacks increased. Ofcourse I used to have good periods - when I would go for weeks without an advent of one, and then I would do the inevitable - I would start wondering - "Hey ! howcome I havent had a headache in a while ?"...and BAM - I would be blessed with one.
One thing that could happen when you have such a recurring health issue is that people get bugged when you tell them that you are having one of your attacks. Gradually their sympathy level keeps dwindling, and then it reaches a point when there is no reaction to your declarations !! (almost like crying wolf wolf...). But I have also had touching experiences, when my husband has made soup & chai for me (mind you.I should have marked that date for release in the family history books !). When my children have sat next to me stroking my head, oh so gently checking to see if my boo-boo is gone ? (that you feel for a instant - hey you have angels in your life, not the brats that you really thought !). & then there was an occasion when I was taken care of so completely, and so lovingly that I was overwhelmed and humbled. (I dont want to embarrass myself and my sis, by going into details - but suffice to say that the "in-law" wall between us started crumbling that day).
So here is my BIG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to the worst ache of all !!!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year Readers !
Let me share a profound thought with you, when I turned 30 (that wasnt too long ago !) it finally occured to me(I know I know I must be truly dense)...what in the world are we so happy about ? I mean how could the next 365 days be any better or worse than the previous 365 ? Will there an equator shift ? Will we stop being a male dominated society ? Will the politicians resolve to be less slimy and actually do something worthwhile ? Will hockey get the respect and admiration it deserves to have as a national game or will we finally realize that it should have always been cricket ? Will we start enjoying life or keep cribbing about what was to be, what should have been etc ? Will we stop thriving on tit-bits of bollywood/hollowood star gossip ? Will governments finally realise that the issues such as terrorism,global warming and poverty affect humanity as a whole and the demarcation or political power of one over the other, truly does not matter ! Will we take a minute to enjoy life out of our daily rigorous & monotonous routine ?
If no - then I am sorry folks we do not have anything truly to be happy about. All we have is hopes ! But then "zindagi umeed pe kaayam hai". So here is hoping that 2010 makes us stop and smell the roses !!!
If no - then I am sorry folks we do not have anything truly to be happy about. All we have is hopes ! But then "zindagi umeed pe kaayam hai". So here is hoping that 2010 makes us stop and smell the roses !!!
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